We are Hiring!

We are hiring a junior associate attorney.  Here’s why:

I haven’t been on vacation since my honeymoon.
My daughter suddenly seems a lot taller.
The hairs in my beard are going grey, then white, then falling out.
I think all my stress has forced my poor therapist into early retirement.

In short, I am overwhelmed.  I am forever BEHIND.  And getting out from behind feels like hiking through quicksand.

{This is true, I bought pet insurance for my cat and dog nearly a year ago and I haven’t added my pets.  I pay the insurance but haven’t had a second to. add. the. pets.}

I need time to think and space to breathe.  I want, no I need, the ability to get to do the tiny, important, detailed things.  Instead of starting something with great intention before being pulled away by the undertow of guilt that comes from neglecting other things.  To prepare for a holiday more than the day before.  To have the latitude to, like, return calls.

I want to read a newspaper and think about what I read then call a friend to lunch and DISCUSS what’s in the newspaper.  Like a European!

Readers, it is time I hire help.

Family Court is a lot!  A lot of Family Court is … too much.  Too much for one me.

I know what you’re thinking.  Tiny violin.  I chose this profession knowing it comes with overwhelm.  I could have become a librarian.  I chose this.  Shove it!  But I don’t apologize for complaining.  Who does it benefit to carry on like this?

As it stands, if I get to the dry cleaner on the weekend that is reason to celebrate.  Self-care.

For so long now I have struggled with how to break way from the hamster wheel: wake up, go to court, do my best / hope for the best, go to the office, prepare for court tomorrow, go to court, repeat.  Never quite falling behind, but sure as hell never getting ahead.  Treading water in a suit.

The pace of business demands immediacy, but the craft requires us to create space for deliberate deep work.  Be accessible, but deeply thoughtful.  Act in the short-term without losing long-term perspective.  Answer everyone, all the time, without losing compassion for anyone.

To anticipate instead of react.

Eventually my conclusion is that to create such an atmosphere a major change is needed at the core of my little crazy operation. A mirror to bounce thoughts off. A different perspective (and, I hope, personality). Fresh eyes.  A new soul.

Because I can’t do it alone, but I have a lot to teach.  To share in the villainy.

I look forward to being able to being more physically, mentally, and emotionally present. Or, at least, I look forward to answering emails.

Yes, I am doing this, and no you can’t dissuade me.

I will stare at the ocean.  I will watch “Zootopia” with my seven-year-old.  I WILL wake up and get to yin in time.  I will drop the illusion of being in control.  I will learn again to exist.  And you should too.