(Almost) Everything the Family Court Can’t Do For You

The Family Court can’t help you understand that the breakdown of your marriage was not your fault, and it was not anyone else’s fault either.

The Family Court can’t grant you the belief that you did all that you could to make it work, make it last, but you were an ant pulling an elephant and your heart gave out, but you lasted longer than any one of the other ants would have in your situation.  (Your heart will beat again).

The Family Court can’t explain to your children what the hell is going on and why there are now two houses, girlfriends, and so, so many promises made but more bills and fewer toys.  Why everyone is acting super nice but in a dead-eyed, uncanny, fish kind of way.

Or repair your joint savings or checking to what it used to be from the ashes of overdraft.

Or give you the confidence to re-enter the dating pool (shudder) after all this time away having given your best self to someone who did not appreciate you.

Or help you understand that you probably did not appreciate your spouse either.

The Family Court can’t…

Help you understand that married people have very different life experiences, they change and not always along the same course.  That you were once perfect together and are now most perfect very far away.

Make you realize that you are now free to become the person you always wanted to be, and that many, but not all, versions of that person are mistakes.

Prove to your ex-spouse that they will never have it as good as they did when they were married to you.

Explain how you can hate your ex-spouse and still become so infuriated when your son tells you that they’re dating someone new that you break your bathroom mirror.

Come up with an excuse for your child as to why your bathroom mirror is broken.

Give you your 20s back, or even the last bit of light inside you from your 20s.

Give your children back that glint of worship in their eyes when they thought you were omnipotent but now understand that life is also something that just happens to you, as well.

Help you realize that what you miss most, more than anything, was only an idea (and that cat, you can’t believe you miss that cat but you do!  Why do you miss that cat, it was only ever aloof and moody with you?  Should you have fought harder for that cat?).

Know, in your bones, that being single does not mean anything is wrong with you.  Prevent you from remarrying simply to prove this point.

Understand that your parents are not just being kind or telling you what you want to hear, they are truly happy that you have divorced and moved on from him/her because they were never right for you.

Know that you can be completely over them and still complain about them constantly.  One has nothing to do with the other.

Many people will rejoice at your divorce and while not all of these people mean you well, none of them is wrong.

There are no mistakes, just lessons.